{"id":30,"date":"2020-09-29T17:50:59","date_gmt":"2020-09-29T17:50:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/?p=30"},"modified":"2021-01-02T21:41:32","modified_gmt":"2021-01-02T21:41:32","slug":"mesmarriah-was-born-in-a-dream","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/2020\/09\/29\/mesmarriah-was-born-in-a-dream\/","title":{"rendered":"3. Mesmarriah Was Born in a Dream"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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There came a point in my searching for answers to my Big Questions of Life that I started having these little subtle feelings that dreams were important, so I\u2019d been writing them down for a while. Didn\u2019t know specifically what to do with them, but I honored them enough to go out and buy blank books to write them down. Drilling down, I started reading other books on how to record and explore my dreams.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I had this dream\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In this dream, \u201cI\u201d had just joined \u201cthe circus\u201d and was just about to meet some of the other people.  It seemed like it was dark, which I came to find out means \u201cin the dark\u201d or \u201cnot known to us at this time\u201d so that seemed apropos. Some of the circus people asked me, \u201cWhat is your name?\u201d (This is how dreams are funny) I realized I did not know what my name was, and I needed to listen<\/em> to see what name I spoke. I heard myself say, \u201cMy name is Mesmarriah Miracle, M-e-s-m-a-r-r-i-a-h.\u201d(It seemed very important they understand it was Mesmarriah with two \u201cr\u2019s.\u201d) \u201cYou can call me Marriah.\u201d There\u2019s not much more from the dream except they seemed likeable people to be around.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even in the dream, I knew what a very special name I had been given. I mean, first of all, I\u2019ve always loved alliteration, MM, mmmmmmmm\u2014what did it mean? Where did it come from? Who was the \u201cI\u201d who had to listen to see what her name was? What was I to do with it?  Why would I be given such a beautiful and special name in a dream? Was I to do something special with it? Surely there had to be a purpose for my being given a name I could not possibly have heard or read about. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn\u2019t know. I felt all I could do was wait and see what presented itself. That\u2019s what I\u2019d been learning how to do\u2014be patient, wait, Just. Let. Life. \u2018Flow.\u2019  Mesmarriah Miracle did seem like a Dot dropped for sure. Would there be a Dot to connect it to? Would I recognize it? How long would it take?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Waiting. Patience. Not my strong suits. But how was I to do otherwise? Who can you scream at to get an answer, \u201cwhy the heck was I given such a special name and not know what to do with it, for criminy\u2019s sake!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nobody.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nothing to do but just wait. And wait. And wonder. And revisit. And wait. Yeaaarrs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While we\u2019re waiting, I\u2019m going to back up for just a moment. Now, this \u2018feeling\u201d that dreams were important? Where did that come from? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Close your eyes. Super tight. You\u2019re in pitch black darkness. Not a dust mote of light seeping through your eyelids. But in life, you\u2019re moving, always moving so you must keep walking. Move slowly.  Feel<\/em> your way. Feeling<\/em> is the only thing that will guide you, will save you, and <\/em>enable you to go forward.  Slow, cautious progress perhaps, but movement forward nonetheless. When you first wake up to Life with a Capital L that is what you do. Feel your way. Feeling <\/em>that dreams were important was reason enough for me to step forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019d been traversing that pitch black darkness aka unknown territory for almost five years before I\u2019d felt<\/em> my way to the feeling that \u201cI think dreams might be important.\u201d Feeling<\/em> my way day by day, emotion by emotion, one feeling to the next.  What had started the journey into the Unknown?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A feeling that I\u2019d just \u2018woken up.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you feel \u201cI just woke up,\u2019 the natural question you ask is, \u201cWhen did I fall asleep?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Dot. \u2018Waking Up\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I woke up at the age of 35. \u201cWaking up\u201d requires a catalyst. A very strong one. A strong emotional, many times heartbreaking, devastating, crippling catalyst to jolt you awake. That\u2019s Part A. Part B is you must heed the challenge you have now been given to investigate \u201cwhy,\u201d look inside, dig deep, face feelings, conquer uncertainty, and not succumb to the fear or pain it might threaten. It\u2019s what the mythologist Joseph Campbell calls, \u201cThe Hero\u2019s Journey,\u201d and heroes face and conquer awesome challenges, don\u2019t they?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From a book called, \u201cPassages,\u201d by Gail Sheehy, I retained the breakdown of our life\u2019s passages. Roughly (and I\u2019m paraphrasing my own concise view): our 20\u2019s, 30\u2019s we\u2019re acquiring\u2014family, careers, all those plans we have, we\u2019re working hard to bring them into fruition. Late 30\u2019s, early 40\u2019s we start some assessing: is this where I wanted to be, is it what I thought it would be, is this what I want? Then comes some time of possible re-assessing. Late 40\u2019s and 50\u2019s are when people make major changes in careers, lifestyles, life goals, life ambitions if their reassessment comes up short for feeling a purpose in life. (Believe it or not, we all crave a purpose in life.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many times the reassessment of original goals and aims uncovers a feeling of malaise, discontent, melancholy that has seeped through all the striving and doing. By the time we\u2019re in our 60\u2019s, we\u2019re probably on the way to beginning what I call concretizing. Wild changes in thought, attitude, actions are null; the ones we have at that time are beginning to harden, perhaps stultify. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Basically, I was right on target, 35. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

My catalyst was an encounter with another human being, a person I\u2019d never met before and yet I knew immediately.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Breaking the heart opens it. <\/strong>“<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Retained as pertinent to my survival from one of Alice Walker’s books.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The inward journey is portrayed in the Myth of King Arthur which stories man\u2019s (woman\u2019s, human\u2019s) psyche\u2014the part where \u2018each knight of the round table must go into the forest on his own path searching for the Holy Grail.\u2019 That is the metaphor for an inward, dark foresty search for our \u2018holy grail,\u201d our true Selves. Every hero enters on his or her own path. \u201cSeek and ye shall find,\u201d sayeth the Bible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The impact was a bomb crater in my life as I knew it. Hurt and heartbreak for me and those I loved most of all. A tearing apart of the life I was living.  Yet I knew with some unknown knowledge that all of it was for a purpose that had deeper meaning than what the surface attraction, turmoil and anguish showed. It required that I not fall into the trap of thinking the surface circumstances were the reason or the end-all-be-all. I had to navigate my way through it only with what I felt was the leading of something bigger than mere logic or feelings or desire, something inside rather than outside. Following that leading, I started a search to understand why I now felt I had just woken up. That search would take me inward, now outward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I \u2018woke up,\u2019 the feeling was more a puzzlement than an amazement. I was more curious about, \u201cwhen did I fall asleep?\u201d I searched back over my life to see if I\u2019d ever felt a feeling like this before. Was I ever awake that I could recall? Fell asleep somehow\u2026was it from boredom, monotony, the mundane?…and then all of a sudden kissed awake? (Sound familiar?)  I had to conclude that I somehow must have been asleep all my life and was just now awakening to it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What did that mean, \u2018to wake up?\u2019 Honestly, I didn\u2019t even equate this \u2018waking up\u2019 feeling to \u2018Wow! All of a sudden I know what my purpose in life is. I know what Life is all about!\u201d Nope. Feeling that I was waking up from a sleep was all I could explain. Was I living a real life version of Sleeping Beauty? Why not?  Myths are the contents of (hu)man\u2019s psyche! The story had to have some spark of origination in reality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling my way in this new state\u2014what it meant, where I needed to go\/learn\/do next\u2014was like stepping into that blind darkness of the unknown. Who knows what lurks in the scary darkness of the unknown? Who is hero(ine) enough to step into the darkness and look?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, that\u2019s where my quirky (and sometimes irritating) trait of forever asking, \u201cWhy\u201d would pay off! I was (and have always been) curious as to \u201cWhy.\u201d It\u2019s just a question that rolls naturally off my tongue, no matter the situation\u2014much to the chagrin of family, friends, bosses, especially. And for every answer to the question \u2018Why?\u201d you can continue to ask \u201cWhy?\u201d yet again ad infinitum. Even though I felt hesitant and tentative, I also felt compelled to go forward, lay trepidation aside and follow through as many \u201cwhy\u2019s\u201d as I could find the bravery to do so.  The Mesmarriah Miracle dream came a few years after The Catalyst<\/strong>. Was she the new life I had just awoken to, symbolic for my true Self?  In that case, I had just joined the Circus. I could then only assume it was The Circus known as Life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I decided I must stop clinging to being asleep and let the river take me where it knew I should go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Clinging I Shall Die of Boredom<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There came a point in my searching for answers to my Big Questions of Life that I started having these little subtle feelings that dreams were important, so I\u2019d been writing them down for a while. Didn\u2019t know specifically what to do with them, but I honored them enough to go out and buy blank … Continue reading “3. Mesmarriah Was Born in a Dream”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":213,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[19,3,34,2,13,32,33],"class_list":["post-30","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life-story","tag-dots","tag-dreams","tag-king-arthur","tag-mesmarriah","tag-myth","tag-passages","tag-the-catalyst"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=30"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":214,"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30\/revisions\/214"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/213"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=30"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=30"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=30"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}