{"id":291,"date":"2021-05-06T21:26:55","date_gmt":"2021-05-06T21:26:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/?p=291"},"modified":"2021-05-06T21:26:55","modified_gmt":"2021-05-06T21:26:55","slug":"21-everybody-swings-like-a-pendulum-do-balancing-the-opposites","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/06\/21-everybody-swings-like-a-pendulum-do-balancing-the-opposites\/","title":{"rendered":"21. Everybody Swings, Like a Pendulum Do\u2014Balancing the Opposites"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen you have come past the pairs of opposites,<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You have reached compassion.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The purpose of the journey is compassion.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Joseph Campbell, \u201cA Joseph Campbell Companion,\u201d p. 24)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our psyche contains the Opposites. Of everything. They\u2019re already there. The hero(ine)\u2019s task: Recognize, Honor, Accept, and Contain polar opposites. And it\u2019s a job.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First: Recognize.<\/strong> We must recognize we contain both sides of the opposite. Mostly we just want to deal with the \u2018good\u2019 opposite, then ignore, yea repress, \u2018the other\u2019 opposite.  (See Post 11. The Shadow.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Second: Accept.<\/strong> Acknowledge and accept both as a part of us\u2014a part of our whole.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Third: Balance.<\/strong> We learn to balance them. Back and forth. See-saw Margie Daw. Can’t deny one; can’t repress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019ve met Mrs. True, my counselor in other posts. She once told me, \u201cYou\u2019re a dreamer\u2026and yet you\u2019re the most practical person I\u2019ve ever met.\u201d I literally cried out in physical and emotional anguish, \u2014\u201cYes!! And how do you reconcile the two???\u201d \u2014for having both of those in one psyche can feel crazy-making! A dreamer flies. A pragmatist is bolted to the ground. How can you possibly be both?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learning the balance of opposites.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s one of the stepping-stones if you\u2019re looking to be healthy and whole. Learning to balance between<\/em> the opposites. Be a dreamer and a pragmatist. Have a dream to be a writer AND be responsible for the mundane details of paying bills, raising kids, making sure you change the oil in your car, buying wrinkle-free cotton instead of linen, checking for bugs in the cereal and mold on the cottage cheese!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s like being the only one on a seesaw\/teeter-totter and maintaining your balance as you go back and forth. A little bit of this and a little bit of its opposite. Nurture your dreamer when she wants a flight of fancy. Praise your pragmatist and let her balance your checkbook, plan ahead 3 steps, and keep your schedules.  You can be both. Excellently. Don\u2019t bad-mouth either one. Know they each have their time in your soul and your everyday living. Recognize both and say, \u201cI am grateful\u201d<\/strong> for both.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Newton\u2019s Third Law. Exact and Equal Opposites.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We talked about Opposites in the Shadow (Post 11), so I\u2019m going to focus on one major set of Opposites The Highs and Lows of everyday life (lower case l). You can\u2019t have one without the ooooooother…as an old song sings. For many of us, we only bemoan the Lows because they feel like an intrusion, an abnormality to what we expect<\/em> of life. We expect the Highs, the smooth sailing to be constant and feel betrayed when crap happens and a Low hits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we have Highs, we\u2019re going to have Lows. There\u2019s just no way around it. The goal is to handle the Lows without getting lost in them, thinking this is all there is, it\u2019ll never be any different; this will never end. We\u2019ve all been there. When you\u2019re in the weeds, it feels like it will NEVER be any different. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m invoking Newton\u2019s Third Law–For each and every action there is an exact and equal opposite reaction!<\/em><\/strong> It\u2019s a law of nature; it confirms a symmetry in nature, a pairing up of opposites. So if there are Highs, they will cycle around and be Lows. If there are to be Lows, just know there will come the day of the corresponding Highs. Be ready for them. Recognize and bask in them: \u201cHey, I am feeling good; things are going smooth; I AM GRATEFUL.\u201d  (I believe that noticing and saying, \u201cI am grateful\u201d for the good makes it come sooner, last longer, return quicker. Just my personal eval.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, when that Low funk returns, it\u2019ll help you reaffirm\u2026\u201dHey, this is just a Low funk I\u2019m in, but it\u2019s just the opposite of that great High I\u2019ve experienced.\u201d\u00a0 Here\u2019s how I finally resolved Lows for myself with a little humor:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cycles circle circle<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hope  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

the apex<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Despair<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00a0the nadir<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Faith<\/p>\n\n\n\n

            that you will grow through it<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fear<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 that things will never change<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Courage<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0you will survive<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fear<\/p>\n\n\n\n

you will succumb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0When the Lows circle \u2018round,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Take heart and know ye this,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

for it was written long before me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and passed down through the women of civilization:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

THIS TOO SHALL PASS!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And when it does,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

when life is singing a happy tune,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

be aware enough to notice and be thankful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For this shall ye also know:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

IT SHALL RETURN!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s ok. That\u2019s normal. That\u2019s life. That\u2019s the opposites taking turns. Teeter-totter. Back and forth. You can weather both. Your soul, your psyche are big enough to contain the opposites. In fact, balancing the opposites is not only a natural part of our growth; it can keep us healthy.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Resilience Hypothesis.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re still not sure about the balancing act, what if you looked at every \u2018bad\u2019 time as having its very own raison d\u2019etre (reason to be).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve referred to Dr. Frederich Flauch\u2019s book on his daughter\u2019s mental decline and his search and research to return her to health. (Post 8.) He talks about \u2018disruption and reintegration\u2019\u2026that sounds like a Low disrupting our High and how to get back to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201dI\u2019ve been trying to formulate my ideas within the framework of a theory,\u2019 I told Bill., \u2018something that can tie together a lot of loose ends\u2026like calcium changing when people are depressed, and depression itself being a natural phenomenon and becoming an illness only when it\u2019s not properly managed.<\/strong> I decided to call it the \u2018resilience hypothesis,\u2019 a law of disruption and reintegration.<\/strong> Nature\u2019s mandate.<\/strong> People fall apart when confronted with serious stress or change in their lives. Then, if they have what it takes, they put themselves together again in a different way. <\/strong>After their breakdowns, a lot of my patients reach better levels of coping. I\u2019ve taken this concept much further, viewing the breakdown itself not necessarily as an unfortunate event,<\/strong> but as an inherent part of adapting to change, setting the state for personal growth.<\/strong> If you don\u2019t go through it, that\u2019s when you\u2019re in trouble.\u2019<\/strong>\u2026\u201cSomething I call resilience. It\u2019s physical, of course, and psychological as well. If you\u2019re flexible, creative\u2014if you believe\u2014you can get through these times and come out of them more than you were before.<\/strong>\u2019\u201d\u2026But the prototype for resilience is right there in the New Testament. Death and resurrection. In our field\u2019s preoccupation with Freudian doctrine, we missed it.\u201d<\/em><\/p>“Rickie” by Frederich Flauch, M.D., p. 172<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Know you\u2019re not alone in your Highs and Lows. It\u2019s a part of our human nature. There is a reason for it all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I found this to be my first caution: It\u2019s easy to get lost in either side thinking (and expecting)<\/em> during the good times, \u00a01) I\u2019ve got it made, It\u2019s gonna be like this for-evverrr!; or 2) during the bad times, \u201cmy life is over, it will never get any better, life sucks!\u201d Balance. Focus on Balance. This too shall pass…And it shall return. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The second caution is: You don\u2019t want to remain in the middle of that teeter-totter. Recognize and embrace the cycle as natural. Without the Highs and Lows, that middle ground could be close to a flatline! So many times, when we are in the funkiest of funks, \u2018not feeling\u2019 sounds soothing. We think \u201cI don\u2019t want to have these (bad, hard, sad) feelings.\u201d It would feel so nice to cover up and plaster over all those tough, sad feelings and NOT feel.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Resist. Feel. The goal is to nurture the courage and fortitude to accept the bad with the good as part of the cycles circling life.\u00a0 The Lows aka bad times are the hard ones to incorporate as \u2018necessary.\u2019\u00a0 But the goal is \u2018containing the opposites,\u2019 making our \u2018container\u2019 big enough to handle both sides. Know: those are admirable and attainable goals. Gain the strength that comes with making your way through. Feel them and survive. You are built to survive.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.\u201d\u2014 F. Scott Fitzgerald<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cWhen you have come past the pairs of opposites, You have reached compassion.\u201d The purpose of the journey is compassion.\u201d\u00a0 (Joseph Campbell, \u201cA Joseph Campbell Companion,\u201d p. 24) Our psyche contains the Opposites. Of everything. They\u2019re already there. The hero(ine)\u2019s task: Recognize, Honor, Accept, and Contain polar opposites. And it\u2019s a job. First: Recognize. We … Continue reading “21. Everybody Swings, Like a Pendulum Do\u2014Balancing the Opposites”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":292,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":true,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[67,64,65,27],"class_list":["post-291","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life-lessons","tag-frederich-flauch","tag-grateful","tag-highs","tag-opposites"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/291","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=291"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/291\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":293,"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/291\/revisions\/293"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/292"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=291"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=291"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mesmarriahmiracle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=291"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}